How many times in your life did you feel that you weren’t as good as someone else or that you weren’t rising to the occasion? How often did you feel that you weren’t meeting your own expectations, let alone those of others such as your family or society?
This notorious pattern of not being good enough can weigh so heavy on one’s shoulders that most people tend to either flee it or feel crushed by its heaviness.
And yet, this pattern isn’t a very surprising one! Comparisons with others began as early as infancy; and although it clearly wasn’t our parents’ intention to create a protective layer around us, it’s nonetheless very real and very present, even if it’s invisible!
Perhaps you’re wondering what the correlation is between comparison and protection? The correlation is very strong and very powerful. Essentially, our parents and loved ones had one of the following two patterns as we grew up through childhood:
Positive comparisons
OR
Negative comparisons
We quite literally live in a world of duality that offers but a single choice: positive or negative. Because we learned that positive is far better than negative, we tend to focus our attention on the positive and do everything in our power to stay there, no matter what the cost!
For some of you, your parents or caretakers had a tendency to worship the ground you walked on, they told you that you were the best, the most beautiful, that you were a champ and that could do anything you dreamed of; so you learned to respond and react to positive comparisons!
For others, it was the opposite; those who represented figures of authority and those who, in your young mind, were always right, repeated over and over again that you were incapable, lazy and that you’d never amount to anything in life…so you dwelled in negative comparisons.
I’m obviously going from one extreme to another, but I’m sure you get my meaning! This concept of duality/polarity was unconsciously programmed within you and unknowingly, you did everything you could to maintain your status of either being a champ or a nobody at the cost of real efforts, resignation, or rebellion against negative comparisons…
Clearly, this reaction mode is unconscious. It gets stimulated by thoughts, emotions, words, and memories that come to mind during your daily life, whether it be at work, at home, running errands, or even while out with some friends… in short, absolutely everywhere that you live life!
The Universe, in its bountiful ways, will place all sorts of opportunities on your path to allow the positive or negative comparison patterns to surface. Since you’re so used to seeking out the positive in order to feel validated and feel that you’re good enough, you’ll tend to beat yourself up, blame yourself and be very hard on yourself any time that the ‘’said’’ negative emotions arise…or you’ll feel so completely powerless and discouraged even, that you’ll think you’ll never actually see the light.
You’d love to set aside absolutely EVERYTHING that’s negative and any disagreeable sensations in order to only attract the positive…right? It’s true that we feel a big difference in the quantity and quality of energy in our body depending on if it’s positive or negative…but it takes a whole lot of energy to keep positive energy up…and at a certain point, the negative energy will undeniably catch up, like a boomerang…this, is a very destabilizing, exhausting and challenging way to live your life!
So why free yourself from the ‘’positive’’? Simply because it’s the flip side to the same coin of negativity. By embracing heart neutrality, you’ll access fluidity, lightness, simplicity, and efficiency in all realms of your life. Positive and negative are both polarized…so even if you do everything you can to stay afloat through positive thoughts and affirmations, you’ll also receive the equivalent in negative…and you’ll reinforce the idea that you’re never good enough, creating a never-ending cycle.
Whether you were positively or negatively ‘’programmed’’ is irrelevant since they’re two sides to the same coin. Both of these patterns require constant efforts, whether you’re conscious of it or not. Either an effort to always avoid the suffering that comes from not being good enough…or an effort to continue earning the ‘champ’ title.
***
Here’s my proposition to assist you in liberating yourself from the tension and contraction caused by the relentless efforts …
Take a moment with yourself and give yourself permission to fully feel and experience the emotions that are crystallized within you…breathe deeply…and allow everything to come to mind, thoughts, words, things that were said to you by your loved ones that hurt so deeply…
Embrace EVERYTHING by breathing deeply with one hand on your heart and the other on your belly – what I call conscious breathing. Allow the sensations to flow freely within you… And give yourself permission, right now, to stop trying to push them away, to hide from the negative OR the constant need to always be the best in order to be someone and be recognized by your peers.
Continue this exercise for 5 minutes at a time…and stay consciously aware of the thoughts and emotions that are coming up and traveling through your conscious breathing.
I invite you to regularly use this short exercise in order to assist you in freeing yourself of the notorious ‘’I’m not good enough pattern…and you’ll feel more and more lightness, harmony and an openness to embrace the recognition of others…without needing it.
That’s the key…
WITHOUT NEEDING IT!
Living life with the total freedom to authentically express your being in its entirety, without needing recognition is so liberating and allows you to feel so vibrantly alive! Ironically, it’s then that you’ll receive so much recognition!
It would bring me great joy to read about your experience, whether it’s in the comments section of our blog, or on our Facebook page!
Have fun freeing yourself!
Sylvie Olivier