“The image you have of what you should be is simply unattainable, it isn’t human.”

“The image you have of what you should be is simply unattainable, it isn’t human.”

These words, uttered by Sylvie Olivier on April 22, 2017 ‘shocked’ Marie-Eve … This sentence created a crack in her armor of being a ‘strong woman’… The sentence opened the door to her big “YES!” to the Return to the Essence of the Ultimate Lifestyle.

For Marie-Eve Lamontagne, this Golden Heart Wisdom Discovery Day was without a doubt “D” Day of a new life… A life guided by the heart and compassion rather than the mind and judgment.

And so, after several months of transmutation, she received the inspiration to write about her experience. An exercise that led her to question the different spheres of her daily life, of duality, Neutrality, and so on.

This text and the questions she shared with Sylvie Olivier led Sylvie to invite her to create a video episode project, where she could answer her questions.

Sylvie and Marie-Eve then shared this inspired idea with Marie-Ève Lord, Golden Heart Wisdom’s social media manager. Without hesitation, Marie-Ève Lord answered: “What you’re creating is a WebTV!”.

And so was born the ‘At the Heart of Neutrality WebTV’. A WebTV inspired by Marie-Eve Lamontagne’s experience, which will certainly resonate with you through its rich and profound content that touches all spheres of our lives.

So, if it makes your heart vibrate, we invite you to read Marie-Eve Lamontagne’s text that inspired the WebTV.

My Experience

Golden Heart Wisdom

My Experience

Golden Heart Wisdom

BY MARIE-EVE LAMONTAGNE

It was in 2004 that I had to make my first big life decision, other than that of surviving every day. The unease that had always inhabited me had pushed me to make that ultimate choice, between life and death. I don’t think I would have had the courage to put an end to my days, and deep within me lived a kind of certainty that I had something to bring to this world. I knew that I couldn’t give up, I felt it. Every day I said to myself, “hold on for one more day”. Choosing to live had been very difficult, as strange as it may seem. To choose life was to choose me. It meant breaking up my family, leaving my boyfriend, selling the house. In short, annihilating the very universe of this little three year old boy that I’d given birth to. I had sworn that I would never do to him what I had myself suffered after my parents’ separation. I had to choose between him and me. It was my perception of things, then.

It’s difficult for many to know how this unease feels when they’ve never lived it. Some have this natural tendency to be happy. They see the good in every human being through all their layers of protection, the glass is always half full, the rainbow beyond the clouds. I’d never seen what was referred to as “negative”. People often called me “the complainer” or the “control freak”. Every day of my existence was an exercise in survival for me, except perhaps those few days where I truly felt profound joy. When people would say to me “Smile! Life is Beautiful.” All I wanted to say was “fuck you”.

Yes, I survived. I was thick skinned. I was strong! That’s what everybody told me. I was stronger than all of it. I was going to outplay life, face adversity and one day, I was going to win my happiness.

In October 2004, as I was leaving the family nest to move into a basement apartment, I began what I would call my personal journey. I realized how negative I was, which caused me to become aware of a lot of things. I worked in the TV business, mainly news, where we were almost always live. I had no choice but to perform because otherwise, half a million viewers would see a simple mistake. I took a liking to performance, but just performing wasn’t enough for me. I wanted to be “the best”, the most efficient, the fastest, the most appreciated. Performance quietly turned into a quest for perfection. If I wasn’t the best, what would I be? Who would I be? It was obvious to me that I’d be nothing, and who would love me if I was nothing? I was completely cut off from myself, from my essence, from everything that “I was doing” that put me well above everything.

Between 2004 and 2013, I read a lot of books, attended lectures, watched videos, met people, had experiences. I dizzied myself with personal development, searching without realizing it, to find recognition and value on the outside. So I wanted to perfectly help people, to always be there for them, to do the right thing, always have perfect self-esteem, unshakable confidence, etc. And so, I was very anxious and had anxiety since I was never able to incarnate the image of what I thought I should be. Anything that had to do with money also stressed me out. I was so afraid of lack, like you’d never imagine possible. Often, I wondered if I hadn’t starved to death in another lifetime. I felt like I’d never have enough and the idea of losing what I had terrified me. You know, the concept that everything is limited and that if one person has it, then I won’t?

I was completely closed off to love. I was petrified of it. I was jealous, possessive and controlling. I was so scared. I was convinced that I’d be betrayed, deceived, rejected. It couldn’t happen any other way. Who would love someone who isn’t perfect?

So, all these years, I protected myself, in my barbed wire prison, or my ice castle. After TQS, television network for which I worked, went bankrupt, I transitioned to office work, the famous world of 9 to 5, spending 10 hours a week in public transportation, feeling my flame die out, my body tensing up until I could no longer digest anything. In that world, there were no limits to my performance. There was only me to stop myself, but lacking compassion for myself, I pushed harder and harder. That’s how I procured an illusion of love, through the eyes of my colleagues.

In 2011, I collapsed from what I thought was just a simple burnout. I didn’t understand how I’d gotten there. Surely I wasn’t normal. I remember giving myself two months to welcome the exhaustion and then I forced myself to go back with massive kicks in the butt, fearing that nothing would be as perfect in my files, then if I was sitting in my chair. I held on for two whole months, and I collapsed again. After three months of reprieve this time, I told myself “you’ve had enough rest”.

I fought against myself in every way possible, without realizing it of course. I still thought I was stronger than adversity. As if I was going to let it get me! Even worse, beaten! I would project myself into the future, trying to control it, or I’d go over past events, always positioning myself as a victim of my experiences. I had no idea just how much I was trying to control everything.

It was in September 2013 that I got my last doctor’s note, and two months later, I jumped into the void, this vast void. Yet again, I chose myself, even if countless others would have loved my job. In their eyes, I had “everything”, but I was headed right for sudden death. From my body, probably not. Of my essence, without a doubt.

It was total chaos within me. I had jumped out into nothingness, I was insane! I said a big YES to the universe. I was sure it would support me, but what I was doing was so illogical. Single mom, without a plan, without a job, and without savings. Great plan! I just couldn’t stand that life anymore. We often put up with things for a very long time, before getting to a point beyond any reasonable doubt, when you’re ready for anything other than “that”.

I grew a great deal through this big experience, that of finding myself, or rather finding myself once more. So, I dove right back into personal development. I learned to “manage” my emotions, to “find balance”, to “build” my well-being, to “build” my self-esteem, the very one that had always been non-existent. I read and heard so many phrases like “become the best version of yourself”, “defy your limits”, “you have to work hard to be successful”.

Even in the beautiful world of personal development, as a “free” woman, in my own business, without a restrictive job, I was still caught up in a stifling structure where I had to do this, like that, otherwise, well gheez, I really didn’t know what I was doing. I was just as trapped as before, but this time, I had no steady flow of income, and I felt the pressure of the world of personal development pushing me to have positive self-esteem, be confident, etc. I absolutely couldn’t be me. Who was I exactly? I had no idea.

I realized that effort, when it doesn’t come from our heart, leads nowhere, except for more exhaustion. So I fell down again and again, despite accomplishing some of my “dreams” along the way, like publishing my first book, participating in radio shows, giving lectures, and even to find love, that love that I was certain to experience one day.

Despite all these “successes”, nothing was happening within me. I was always looking for something: money, joy, happiness, experiences. I had certainly come a long way, but I was missing a key in my keychain. It didn’t make sense to me, and I was ashamed to think it since I’d shared it with others through everything I’d done. What would they think of me? Call me crazy? Judge me?

I became so confused with everything offered in the personal growth market that I completely lost myself. The only thing that ever brought me back was listening to my intuition, that little, powerful, heart-felt voice that had always been there to guide my actions and steps. I listened to it more and more.

It vibrated profoundly within me when I heard about Golden Heart Wisdom’s Discovery Day on April 22, 2017. Unfortunately I had a prior commitment that day, an interview for my book on which I’d worked “so hard”. I told myself “if I’m meant to be there, everything will sort itself out”. The next day, I received a message telling me that the interview was postponed to a later date. I knew then that my place was in that room and I immediately bought my ticket.

I had no idea who Sylvie and Bernard were, besides what my friend Josyane Bissonnette had shared with me. What did Golden Heart Wisdom eat for breakfast exactly? I sat with my lover and friends in a well-known conference room with a carpeted floor. I listened attentively; rather, I drank every word as if I’d been parched for 20 years! I had the impression that I was hearing, through a mouth and human ears, what I’d known deep within me since forever, but that had never been able to make its way to my consciousness. Something else was being offered to me. Something different from the long and perilous journey of personal transformation where we have to “work” on ourselves; and instead, we remove layers of protection, limitations, false beliefs, fears. I would soon discover a word that would completely change my life, a simple word, which can be found at the start of the dictionary (or at the end of it in English 😉 : WELCOME. Yes, welcome, embrace, rather than acceptance.

“Acceptance is a form of resignation,” said Sylvie.

Eureka! A flash of lightening had crossed my entire being. I had wanted to go to the front for live assistance, feel the pulse of what they were doing. I burst into tears when Sylvie, just by looking at me, told me: “The image you have of what you should be is simply unattainable, it isn’t human.” Indeed, I had always demanded nothing less than perfection of myself, a perfection that, we know, doesn’t exist, but which also drove me to extreme performance where, had I continued as such, I would’ve probably died before “finding” well-being. That day changed my life. It was the beginning of a new lifestyle that, although at times a bit challenging, would allow me to welcome extraordinary experiences to free me from what had always tortured me.

During the month of May, I opened up to this new information that found me, and I opened myself up. A program was starting: “What if money was your best friend, how would you treat it?”. Oh boy! I had blockages with money. Just the price of the program, which was very affordable for the expansion it allowed me to take, scared me. It was THE thing in the world that I had the hardest time welcoming. That and love. Ironically, love and money had both arrived at the same time, together a few months prior. Even though I still didn’t have a job, nothing stable, not a whole lot of money coming in directly from me, a thousand excuses and all the rest, I said YES to this program. I was tired of being a slave to my fears. I was ready for something else. I was ready to jump into the void again.

I had also seen this retreat, which, just like that, came and touched my heart. It was taking place in Saint-Martin: Unveiling the Divine Feminine Within. Oh, how it spoke to me! I had set aside my sacred feminine for so long. I had played the role of a strong man my entire life!

I didn’t need anyone, pfff, I could manage everything on my own. Welcoming the love of others by accepting that that they assist me? Um, no, not really. What an insult! Welcome love for myself, even less. Compassion? What’s that again?

I had judged myself my entire life and as such, I had judged others too. It’s what kept me so far away from myself. If I’d known then that it was a mere reflection of what I feared most within myself, I would’ve stopped judging! But no, it had to be as such so that I could welcome compassion and also to welcome the idea that life doesn’t need to be heavy and difficult. That I no longer had to work hard, with blood, sweat and tears to deserve success. Simplicity and fluidity were offered to me, not without committing to myself, but I felt that if I wanted to one day be free, this was the path I had to take. All the other paths I’d taken had made me sick and never made any sense to me.

This retreat, I felt it deep within, but the 5 digit price tag made me queasy. And what if it was possible for me?

Welcome this opportunity,” said Sylvie. “If you feel it, say your big YES and the resources will find you. They’re already there. “

Of course I doubted it, but I said YES!

I had felt the inspiration in my heart, and I had taken a very simple action, which the mind had judged as being ludicrous. I received an amount of $7,500 following this inspired action, an amount that allowed me to reserve the retreat and my flight not two weeks prior to the departure. I was shaking all over. What had I done? I could have paid off debt with that amount! How was I going to pay the aftershock? OMG!

I finally left, all alone like a big girl in the direction of Saint-Martin. Sylvie and Bernard greeted me at the airport. I very quickly felt an opening within me. This place, the villa, there was something special about it.

I can hardly use words to describe what I experienced during that week. The only ones that come to mind are “a very profound return within”. Not the within we built up over time, with our mind, but our purest self, our essence. I discovered three other wonderful women, whom I hope will stay in my life for a very long time. We shared extraordinary moments. I released so many things that I’d worked so hard to get rid of, and it was just the tip of the iceberg. I remember writing everything I was ready to let go of during the retreat. It took me six pages. I realized all the weight I’d been carrying, that we all carry in our human body, when we cut ourselves off from ourselves. No wonder I had so many burnouts and depressions. I would have had more for a very long time.

The retreat was one of the most wonderful experiences of my life. Not an experience of false momentary joy where we’re temporarily happy and then we go back to our old routine. An experience where I bawled my life, where I wrote, experienced insomnia, had wonderful awarenesses and oh how I liberated all those mental archives and crystallized emotions that had been trapped in my body.

Integrating all of this into my daily life upon my return was certainly a challenge, but I knew that welcoming and breathing were my two greatest allies. I knew that as soon as confusion muddled my mind, I simply had to return to my heart and follow those inspirations. Moreover, upon my return, I received $5,000, for doing nothing at all, which largely paid off my payment balance.

So many things have happened since, following my inspirations, sharing what I experienced through my Facebook page, etc. I assisted people, simply, without forcing anything. My family history has shown itself to me under a new light. Some relationships have changed, others have disappeared. New ones have shown up. My vision of life and the world in general has changed. I feel closer to myself and those I love. I much less feel the need to control, to be right, to prove myself. I welcome compassion, my gift, which I now understand much better through the program Navigate the New Cycle of Expansion with Fluidity. Wow! I realized how sharing with others assists us in our own lives. I also feel less of a need to judge, but rather to welcome each person as they are, understanding that pure love lives within each of us, and that it’s our layers of protection that cause us act this way or that, but which we often use to condemn. Every day, I welcome and discover new experiences…

With love and compassion

Marie-Eve

You liked this text? It raises questions and you’d like to share your experience? We invite you to join our Facebook group “Return to the Essence of the Ultimate Lifestyle”

Click HERE to join the group.

To learn more about the different resources offered by Golden Heart Wisdom,  click HERE.

Scroll to Top
error: Content is protected !!